Healthcare Tips

Meet Squeezix, the Grouchie who swipes your hard-earned pay

April 28, 2021

Few things are more discouraging than opening an indecipherable urgent care bill to find out you owe way more than expected. Getting a second bill—or a third—is even worse, though. And then there’s that sinking feeling when you think you might have been charged for the wrong procedures, but you’re not even sure. That, friend, is being squeezixed.

But what, or who, is Squeezix? And how do you keep that out of your life?

Avoiding Squeezix is easy: just come to Gateway Hancock Health the next time you need immediate care, labs, or imaging. We’ll even give you an estimate up front—something that’s guaranteed to keep Squeezix away. 

We wanted to learn more about him. So we tracked down Squeezix

and chatted him up while he counted quarters, dimes, and pennies he pulled from a pouch near his stomach.

Q: Hi Squeezix! How much do you have there?

Squeezix: Not enough. Never enough. I need to find new ways to charge patients for medical supplies.

Q: That’s not how we think at Gateway! We actually try to find ways to make health care more affordable. In fact, our labs and imaging prices are an average of 70% less than you’d pay at a hospital.

Squeezix: Affordable, indeed! That won’t line my velvet pockets with silver and gold. Where are the rest of your people from Gateway? I’ll give them a piece of my mind.

Q: They’re actually at Gateway, probably working on cost estimates for patients. You know, so patients aren’t surprised when they receive their bills online or in their mailboxes at home. Speaking of homes, where do you live?

Squeezix: Depends. In the summer months, I have a very expensive home in Switzerland. But I do my best squeezing in labs and hospital billing departments across the United States.

Q: Why are you so intent on overcharging patients for their procedures? 

Squeezix: That’s the way of the world, isn’t it? The more I can stuff in my body pouch, the more I can buy! 

Q: That’s not how we do business at Gateway. Regardless, we notice that you’re bright green. Is that because money’s green? 

Squeezix: Duh.

Q: What do you do for fun?

Squeezix: On weekdays, I count the silver and gold. On weekends, it’s anything green. And I like to vacation in Las Vegas, where I can put my arms and 20 sticky fingers to good use.

Q: Wow. You’re a little scary and we’re not sure we want to be around you much longer. Do you mind if we go back to Gateway?

Squeezix: I don’t mind. And I won’t be following you to Gateway, either. There’s nothing for me there.

We were relieved to hear that, and you probably are, too. Because that means you’ll always be able to get squeeze-free immediate care, labs, and imaging at Gateway. Our affordable center is conveniently located at I-70 and Mt. Comfort Road and our Save Your Spot feature lets you reserve your place in line before you arrive. Contact us by calling 317-866-7300.